i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
