I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
