Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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