I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
