look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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