My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
