Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have feelings that need drinking.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
