how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
