so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
