I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
