My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
