you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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