Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
