is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
