We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
