There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
