I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
