if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The adults are the big ones right?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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