I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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