The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
