I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
