Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
