But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
