dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
