Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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