dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
