They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
