That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
