I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
