you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
