i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
