Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
