I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
