...so i touched it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
