Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
