Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
