We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
