carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
