Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
