What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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