remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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