Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
