We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
