shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Randomize
