Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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