We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
