Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
