I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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