I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
