just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
