What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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