Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
