dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
